Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
organizing the empties. That sober.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
