dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
