When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
