Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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