i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
