I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
They have beer where we have blood.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
