Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
