Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
