I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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