Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize