Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
