There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
my poor anus
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
