People in love make me want to vomit
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
