my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
