the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize