Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Can I color on your dick again?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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