Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
