My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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