i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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