Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize