My first STD was from a foam party
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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