Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
