You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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