So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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