How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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