Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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