don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Operation Purity has been aborted
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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