So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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