Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
