Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
