Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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