Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Randomize
