I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
