his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
