my phone needs a breathalizer
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
