Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
