Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize