I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize