well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Randomize
