i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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