I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Drunk is a universal language darling
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