My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
