were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Randomize
