she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
