Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Randomize
