i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
