My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
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