New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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