The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
