I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
