Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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