apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
