It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
