If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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