I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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