His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
