Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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