If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Randomize