I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Michael Bay diarrhea
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
