Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
