Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
