you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
