my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
