Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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