You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
