we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
