oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
