whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
