South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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