if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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